Beyonce and The Dancing Leotards

So i awoke this morning to the smells of eggs and sausage...(mmmm eggs and sausage) and found my goddaughter Tia making breakfast,it was a special day in the house its my roommates/best friends birthday so we all feel a sence of joy knowing that we are blessed to have her in our lives after all thats what birthdays should be about.
I did the usual stuff really passed by the mirror and grunted and put on some jogging capri's and made my way back to the living room to get my grub on and then Beyonce came on the T.V,it was the music video for "Sweet Dreams" and ok the song is good and im not going to even deny liking her songs i do for the most part but DAM iam sick of seeing her dancing around in a leotard and who are those two chicks in the background? did she reform destiny's child and just finally put them on mute so instead it could be Beyonce and them rather than destiny's child..i know she wears clothes i have seen them on her as i googled searched a photo but every time i see her its a leotard and two chicks behind her doing the cabbage patch. Ithink it says alot of Ms Fierces EGO seeing how she has to be the center of attention..her selection in a man whose looks are questionable goes further to say "NO one puts baby in the corner" all eyes on me.

An Obsessed Warning

Apparently there is a battle royale going on between Mariah Carey and rapper Eminem with him casting the first stone with his ode to Mariah in "Bahgpipes Over Bagdahd" (i realize i spelled that wrong completely but i dont feel like spell checking) if you listen to the song Eminem does sound a bit like a love sick puppy left at a farm house to eventually be put down like old yeller. So Mariah replied with her now hit song "Obsessed" which i will say im listening to as i type,iam a fan and i think her reply was done tastefully since it could apply to basically anyone (she doesnt name name's at all) this didnt appeal to the ears of her "Obsessed Fan" Eminem and he released the single " The Warning".

Now i know this is just a bunch of bicker we cant take either party very seriously and to air your dirty laundry or someone elses shows little tact and class,especially with Eminems lyrics being as crude as they are (bit psyco that one) but i definately remember something like this playing out between the late Tupac shakur and Biggie Smalls...Thankfully however this is a fight between girls.

Clearly no win in this war but id give Mariah the win in the battle...she did exactly what she set out to do without having to be nasty or name call and the message obviously hit home.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

In recent months I have been doing a little searching of the soul one might say,always considering my self a very spiritual person i was lacking a way to focus that part of myself and due to that, feeling very lost spiritually.

I was born catholic and raised by very old school catholics (my grandparents) who oddly were very Liberal,not at all what you would expect...granted they believed in the bible and its teachings and all that goes along with it, but they were not the type of people who were scared of hell lurking around every corner that i found most other catholics were.

Needless to say the religion i was born into lost its meaning to me and i was unsure why i just kind of went with it and started living my life on what i felt was morally correct and good which to a certain degree if your born with any common sence you already know what is right and what is wrong by the time you reach a certain age.

I started doing research on other religions just to see if by chance something else was for me,just because your born into something doesnt mean you have to stay in it at least thats my way of thinking.

I didnt come across any religion that really called to me (some say they get a spiritual calling,i think they must have my number listed wrong)however i did come across a phillosphy instead Buddhism,I have to say the more i read and researched it and im very much still in that process,the more i loved it,one of the things that really made me want to be a part of the teachings is that its focus is so much on the spirit and the nourishing of it rather than focusing on hate,judgement,being politically correct and what not to do in life so you dont rot in eternal hell fire,The very core of the philosophy is one that i think is shared with most other religions "do unto others as you would have done unto you" but i think it has been lost in translation and forgotten with those other teachings.I really felt as though i had been a Buddhist since birth without even realizing it and at first i was like how very cliche im going to sound by now considering myself buddhist but im really o.k with that,i like fried platans and thats cliche too (me being cuban and all).

So i began my chanting of "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" along with the other sutra prayers about a month ago and it has really awakend me in a sence,I see differences in me that i hadnt seen in a while or ever and i dont mean this in a trippy way i just mean im more concious as far as what i say,the decicions and choices i make overall just more "aware" even in the most simplest of things and i know that sounds a bit outlandish but its meant in the most simplest of ways i assure you,just small changes.

By no means am i criticizing any other form of religion i think what works for you is great i just wanted to share a little about me and where im at. thanks for reading.

"The Secret of Health"

for both mind and body is

not to mourn for the past

worry about the future, or

anticipate troubles,but to

live in the present moment

wisely and earnestly.

-Buddha

Fiona

Now here is a little something i have never really shared with anyone.

Late at night when its just dark and im left with my thoughts and if by chance some other event of nonimportance does not start to dance thru my brain like a sugar plum fairy on crack,I slowly begin to think of what I've come to call Fiona.

Fiona is my pet name for that little thing we call L-O-V-E and the name was given in honor of a girl I some how remember from the 6th grade (we'll get back to her later),me being one of those people who can recall memories from childhood much better than i can recall,oh lets say..yesterday,the tendancy to associate current situations with that part of life is the normal.

A battle of wits between Fiona and i has occured a few times,for the most part she calls and I pretend no one is home only to have her show up when I least expect it like a stalker in a bad lifetime movie begining what can only be described as the evolution of dance starting with a nice slow ballroom ending with a fight scene out of west side story,as I usually stumble and fall, im left with no Fiona and a bad cut up knee thats burns for a time to later become a scarred up reminder of the encounter and a reason of why she was ignored in the first place.

The real Fiona as i mentioned before was a classmate from 6th grade,with her being seated in the front of the class and me being in the back like i prefferd,(im quite nosey and observant and feel the need to know what is going on) id sit and ponder what it was about her that made her so different from me,with all honesty there wasnt much to be said about fiona,Tall and scrawny with that not curled so right ash blonde hair and crazy big brown eyes with a slight over bite that added to the overall look of a anorexic chipmunk,she would wear these dress'es that showed off her mangled legs from playing far too many outside sports and if you got too close you could smell her scent that was an odd combination of musk and peanut butter,not to mention the name fiona alone was far from fitting or pretty to me,despite all this the boys adored her , and even at that young age it was the type of fascination that if they had the chance they would marry fiona in a heart beat and run away with her forever, and in all its purity thats what love is the unknown,the wanting to know and wanting it to last forever at least thats what i believe, and perhaps thats why i associate love with fiona,because either its that fascination boys have with you or its a different type of fascination and even though both can be quite good for totally different reasons the latter is what eventually lasts over time if treated right and cared for.

I did run into Fiona a few years ago at a department store,she grew into her looks which i believed she would have and we spoke and she seemed very happy,recently married and a new mother you know the typical chatter and we parted ways,i made my way to another makeup counter so i could peer thru the perfume girls to at least get a glimpse of her husband who i was hoping looked like Woody Allen or at the very least Don Rickles (unlikely but one can hope),he did make his way to her walking up with a stroller,i can only really say that he was handsome because at that point i was so over the perfection i wanted to rub bengay on my eyes ,so i started to walk away as i did i heard a cry as i turned around to look i saw fiona's husband holding what appeared to be a baby Orangutan...heh divine justice

　

　

Dear Mother

　

Dear mother,

Bounded together through blood,likeness,quarrels and tears.

The memories of us can be described with endearment laced with bitterness in past years.

Words spoken in heat that sliced into the skin like freshly sharpened knives.

An unforgiving vow to not speak for the rest of our lives.

A agonizing addiction slowly consuming a person once known,leaving behind a shell of emptiness no soul to be shown.

The battle for your healing led down a horrifying path,restless nights of hope that contradicted a ferocious wrath.

The resentful switch of roles between you and me,no longer the child but instead the parent how i wished it was seen.

Caring for you like you were suppose to care for me,an unfair responcibility for someone barely a teen.

The days of unworry replaced with stress and maturity,if it werent for strength id had drowned in a multitude of insecuritys.

The end came not from the endless cries and begging for change,no,instead it was two blue men escorting you to be caged.

A plead for mercy from a sharply dressed guy,it was far too late, it was now time to say goodbye.

So now i sit and write Dear mother,i think its time to call a truce,i forgive you for the past the pain and the drug use.

You were riddled with sickness and for that there is no shame,we all are entitled to mistakes so lets forget about the blame.

Time has healed the wounds so i feel ready for us to begin anew,so as i write this one request as a favor my heart whispers it gently...please forgive me too.

An Unwilling Soulmate

For as long as i can remember there has always been that romantic side of me that overdoses on thoughts and daydreams of finally meeting the one that my heart belongs to.

There are books and songs,poems and paintings,it seems love is mans 1 true drug,its sweet euphoric essence shoots thru the body like a rocket giving sensations unfelt before,swarms of butterflies in the gut,weakness of the knees,an inescapable haze that fills the head with delight,intoxicating all of the sences love is only good as long as it lasts,once its gone it leaves behind a bitter sweet after taste causing a withdrawl and hunger for more,either left an addict or a grateful rider of the ride,its really up to the individual.

Its always different thats for sure,at least for me it has been,i now can look back and distinguish the difference between those couple of men i have loved and the ones that were childish infaturations or lust at its best.In any case however as much as i had that part of me that loved love there was that part of me that was scared of it as well and i definately didnt seek it out and in all honesty i wanted nothing to do with it, i was perfectly fine with letting that hopeless dreamer,uncontrolable piscean quality of myself live thru daydreams and thoughts letting me enjoy other aspects of life.

I consider myself beyond lucky to speak of the person im about to because i owe him much more than he could ever realize and with the mention of it the emotions are starting to flood out of me like juice from a freshly bitten strawberry.

He came into my life at a time when my life was at a stand still,living life for sure but not really much was going on, figuring myself out at that moment,my mind was on other things.

You can say he had me at hello, wouldnt be far from the truth because from that hello there hasnt been an end to us,we began friends talking for hours on end,intrigued by what he had to say,making me laugh at even the most stupid of jokes,sharing everything, unintentionally finishing the others sentance or oddly saying the same thing at the same time,a connection, a bond that definately could not be ignored nor denied,opposites that complimented one another like the fit of someones fingers between your own,completeing a overlooked piece of the puzzle that the gods jokingly hid.

Taking time and months that seemed like years to be realized since he was typically not what caught my eye or interested me, him being a few years younger,straight laced all american boy type with only a hint of a take control attitude if one is willing to dig for it that is.Hair like brown sugar with hightlights of honey,thick full brows that slightly peaked over frames of black,a smirk that framed a full bottom lip,Like a slap in the face one day it hit me,not only was i in love i was deep in love with the person i had least expected,but wait no it cant be how this wasnt supposed to happen without my permission i tried convincing myself trying to rationalize i began to think of the things that would make us not work,they werent compared in number to the things that would if anything the positive being ten times greater than the negative i was livid,how does one tell thier friend they are in love with them, it took time to get the words right to actually feel him out to see if he at least felt somewhat the same way as i did ,knowing that if he did he would never make the first move,i musterd up enough nerve and let aside my womanly pride to let him know,looking back i dont think i handled it as well as i would like to write about,fumbling over my words and acting like a cross between a giggling korean school girl and elmer fudd i finally managed to get it all out,he was or at least seemed curious of the possiblity as well so we went from there.

Completely and willing to be his everything there was a wall that was broken down to my heart that he was the first to cross into,no distrust,no questions,the comfort of us wrapped me like a cashmere blanket,dreams of him layin his head in my lap,as i ran my fingers thru his hair with 1 hand and gently gripping his hand with the other under a swaying willow tree with a lavender and peach swirled sky, kissed by stars on the hill of eternity.
I never felt so safe and secure by hearing someones voice as i did his i could listen to him talk for hours on end of absolutely nothing,yea it was something very special and something that i hold and where it wrong i dont quite know,perhaps my fear of losing him took over and rather than risk it i panicked and let it go,alot was in play certain events took place that led to it,they were things that were important and showed his age and inexperience,it came down to a weekend a choice i let him make without speaking a word and the choice was made and it ended,there was no fight he seemed fine in letting me go and i think that hurt more than anything else had the tables been turned i would have fought for him,but through the pain was an understanding i knew that it was not time for it to move foraward and maybe it would never be,the love was strong enough for me to set aside and let him go but he did not give up on me as a friend and is respected t and i kept my promise to myself and have stayed his friend because in the end that is not worth losing and tho my heart has been his and i believe with all in me that he is my soulmate and no one could love him the way i could,his happiness is,like anyone else i love is top priority to me and i wont wait around im grateful for that small moment in time that i got to share with my other half,that showed me what love is and what love could be the part of me that i didnt know i had and what it is im capable of and that its still possible in todays world,only tomorrow knows what is instore and im happy to look ahead.

Be Free

Set yourself free be who it is you long to be
never lose that amazement over the beauty of trees
be a child again and dance under a blanket of falling leaf's
Life is a gift and tomorrow holds no guarantee's
Let your toes feel the earth in between them and have the sun kiss your cheeks
leap high with your arms open and taste the sky relive that feeling of invulnerability
who cares about sanity enjoy every moment and seize every opportunity to live joyfully
Laugh out loud let your imagination run wild don't have fear of your own creativity
stop thinking you know everything and consider other endless possibilities
don't let harsh reality's be the only thing you see, tip your head back and sing a song with glee
there are no chains no restrictions keep only positivity in your mentality
pay no heed to false prophets and would be kings, that drones of the world follow in line like worker bee's
return to yourself that eternal sea inside that holds your core unique individuality
make room in your life to taste candy and roam down that path of magic and make believe
So as you break from that day to day world of work and responsibilities,
lay in the grass and feel the cool breeze as you let yourself daydream randomly
set yourself free and go do as you please."

Lil Boy True

Lil boy true woke up blue,with many a thing to ponder.

stressed by a overwhelming guilt to follow in the steps of his militant father.

A charming shy guy whose life was a well disguised lie,leaving not an eye to wonder.

impatient was he to finally be free,soothed only by the tender love shown by his mother.

Soon it would come time to leave the boy behind and take on the mantle of a burdend soldier.

With the question of why he looked to the past and sighed,there had been no reason to live up to his brother.

He prayed for peace and to no longer suffer,but the call was never answerd by that higher power.

Eventually some would be recieved but by no miracle you see,it was merely the break of summer.

Now with no clue to our lil boy true there was a suprise just around the corner.

Then the night came that he met the person who would change,his well set ways of being a loner.

End had come as quickly as it begun but in this short time thier love had blossomed like a flower.

His troubles would return with even a more hurtful burn but he wore his new found love like armor.

On that fateful night right before he was to be off to fight,he let all be known to his father,

racing thru the rain his heart filled with pain,there was only one cure and it couldnt be given by another,

Knuckles banged wood and when the door slowly opened there he stood,the cure a touch from his lover.

Secounds melted and spun like years,giving no time to speak of future fears instead they exchanged vows and promise from one to the other.

Off to the land of dont ask dont tell,things seemed to be going well,there was even a letter of approval from his father.

Till a red soaked day that fire flowed like water and the sky echoed the sound of gun shots like violent thunder.

Battle was fierce and his heart pounded and began to flutter until all seemed to become silent and his ears seemed to focus on a childs cry that rubble from a building had come to cover.

Blinking his teared filled eyes he knew he might die but he chose to fly, his life was not most important it was the chance he could give another.

Lil soldier true who served the great red white and blue,my sympathys to your father and mother,

Your life no longer a well spun lie even with the truth no one could deny to had known you was an honor.